Here are ten ways to initiate and nurture friendships with students:

1. Be highly visible. Attend games, concerts, and plays on the students’ own turf. You’ll show that you care about them.

2. Don’t overstay your welcome. Make a point of not visiting over ten minutes with students unless they express a desire to spend more time with you.

3. Let others help you break the ice. Take someone to events, and ask students you know to introduce you to a new student.

4. Remember students’ names! Make a list, take a memory course, but whatever you do, remember their names. If I forgot a student’s name after our first introduction, I would always tell him or her, “If I ever have to ask you your name again, I will buy you the largest milkshake in town.” This method has usually worked for me: I’ve only bought two milkshakes for students in my two-plus decades of youth ministry.

5. Remember what individuals participate in and what interests them. Doing so shows you care about them. Don’t talk about yourself—ask about them. Your interest and sincerity in learning about them will show your real heart to minister to them.

6. Exercise good judgment in where you take students and how you meet them. Go to places with groups rather than with individuals. Doing so is safer for them and for you.

7. Ask questions that require an answer. And ask them why they feel or think the way they do. Then listen.

8. Follow up and do what you say you will do. Don’t make promises and break them. Let your word be your bond. Pay attention to youth consistently, since many of them lack consistency in their lives.

9. Write notes and make calls to students frequently just to see how they are.

10. Develop the habit of praying before and after you meet students. Rely on God rather than just the strength of your own personality and social skills.