However, with the practice of wise policies and practices, I believe you can counsel, encourage, and mentor opposite sex. But this discipleship has to be in the right circumstances with clear boundaries that cannot be changed. Here are some lessons I am passing along to you:

1. If you can, have a second adult leader or helper who is of the opposite sex. Then that person can be available to counsel students as well as you. Both of you can be present, or the second person can simply be nearby and visible without overhearing conversation.

2. At no time should adult staff, youth leaders, or student leaders jeopardize their personal integrity or the integrity of their ministry by being alone with anyone of the opposite sex. In many cases, even two young people of the opposite sex could put you and the ministry at great liability. To avoid these situations, we must think ahead and be on the alert for this possibility.

3. If you are in a situation where you are alone with a student of the opposite sex, use your cell phone. If you are waiting for the parent to come pick up the student, have the student call the parent immediately and every few minutes. If the parent needs you to deliver the student, tell the parent the route you are taking and when you leave, and call on the way. This way, you are above reproach and make it difficult to be accused of anything.

4. When meeting with a student of the opposite sex, meet in a public place where there are other people and you are visible (for example, a fast-food restaurant). Remember to:
a. keep the meeting a set amount of time.
b. try to meet with a group.
c. never let students of the opposite sex take you into an intimate conversation about yourself.
d. let the student know he or she can come by as long as your spouse or another adult leader of the opposite sex is present. When I was single I used to visit with young ladies on the front porch—not a good idea.

5. It has been my experience for over twenty years that a mixed Bible study is not conducive to getting the most from your students. Here is why:
a. Mixed groups have a tendency to be self-conscious and not discuss openly and honestly, especially on tough issues.
b. Many times the teens, especially the boys, will be trying to impress the opposite sex.
c. Flirting, dating, or relationships between members affect the whole group dynamic.
d. Members of mixed groups do not like to make statements that might cause them to look foolish.
e. The group members do not have the same interest at heart, so it is more difficult to keep their attention.

The bottom line is that it is up to you to be wise, careful, and to be wary of how truly dangerous these situations can be. As Ephesians 5:15 says, “Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise.”

I have always said that you can lose your ministry and keep your family, but you cannot lose your family and keep your ministry. These situations can destroy you, your reputation, your calling, your family, and your integrity. They could be devastating to you, yet you can avoid them by being careful.